Heys guys for those of u who love college movies you should check out one tree hill and oc rily cool movies try trust me u can either google it or check it out on www.tv.com

Softwares.........

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Jokes.......

Jokes....Jokes.....Jokes A mechanic spotted a heart surgeon in his shop.D mechanic said "Hey Doc can I ask you a question?"D surgeon,a bit surprised,walked over to the mechanic who was working on a motorcycle"So Doc,look at this engine.I open its heart,take valves out, fix'em, put 'em back in &wen I finish, it works just like new.So how come I get such a small salary & u get d really big bucks,wen u & I are doing basically d same work? D surgeon paused,smiled & leaned over,whispering to d mechanic....."Try doing it wit d engine running!"

Jokes.......

A newly wedded wife tels her husband honey am a virgin so pls explain sex 2 me he replies simply,we wil cal ur private place'D prison'&call mine d prisoner.So we put d prisoner in d prison & den dey made luv 4 d 1st time.later, D guy is lying face up on d bed,smiling with satisfaction.his wife giggles"Honey d prisoner has escaped"he smiles"den we hav to re-imprison him"After d 2nd time,d girl enjoying d new experience,says"Honey, the prisoner is out again! D man rises to the occasion,with unsteady legs afterwards,he lays back on d bed,exhausted.She nudges him & says,"Honey,d prisoner escaped again"turning his head, He YELLS at her"Hey,its not a life sentence, OKAY!

Jokes........

A girl frnd was complainin  ♏ξ (squiffy)Can u imagine, I can't believe he deleted me on his BB, can't reach him on his phone, he moved 4m his house, removed me from his friends on Facebook n twitter just because I gave d list of things I want for Xmas . 1. Brazilian hair-N95k. 2. Gucci bag-N350k. 3. Louis vitton wallet-N60k. 4. DNKY wrist watch-N70k. 5. Prada shoes-N140k. 6. Aldo sandals-N28k. & Blackberry bold 5 N120k
Did I ask for much?

Jokes.......

Two campers where hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing them. Both campers start running for their lives when one of them stops and starts to put on his running shoes. His partner says, "What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear!" His friend replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you!"

Jokes........

Pls read 2ru dis converastion GIRL:I called my boyfrnd a BASTARD.PSYCHIATRIST:Wel wat did he do GIR:Wel he kissed me.PSY:lik dis? He kissed her GIR:Yes PSY:Wel dat's no reason 2 cal him a BASTARD.GIRL But he tok my clothes off PSY:lik dis? He took off d girl's clothes GIR:Yes PSY:Wel dat's no reason 2 cal him a BASTARD.GIR:But,he had sex wit me PSY: u mean lik dis? He had sex wit d girl GIR:Yes! PSY:Wel dat's no reason 2 cal him a BASTARD.GIRL:But,den he told me he has AIDS.PSYCHIATRIST:BASTARDDDDD!!!!!!

Jokes.......

Der was a plane going overseas.d pilot realized after dey had taken off dat d plane was over weight.If dey didn't lighten d load dey were going 2 crash.So dey dumped d luggage.Yet D plane was still too heavy! So d pilot announced d situation 2 dem & asked 4 about 15 volunteers to jump off d plane with a parachute.d navy had been alerted,so dey would hav ships waiting 4 dem below & dey would get a pass to fly free on dis airline but No 1 budged.d pilot asked again, still no 1 moved.So d pilot says ok, we're going 2 pick ppl to jump,but fairly. We'll go by alphabet,race by race: Pls Al African Americans step 2 d front of d plane now! No 1 moved.He then says"All Blacks, step to the front, pls" No 1 still moved. "All Coloreds step 2 d front, pls" Still no 1 moved.@ dis point a little boy asked his father"Dad, aren't we African American or Black or Colored?" The father says"No,son,2day we're Negroes & if some1 doesn't hurry up & step up to the front, we're gonna be Zulu!"

Jokes.....

A couple were golfing 1day In a residential area,d wife broke a window d husband said wat let's go&apologise dey got der knocked on d door & heard a voice say"Come in"der was glass all over d floor & a broken bottle lying on its side.d man said u broke my window?Sorry abt dat."d husband replied"No actually I want 2 tank u.I'm a genie trapped 4 a thousand years in dat bottle.u released me I'm allowed to grant 3 wishes&I'll give u 1 each&kip d last 1 4 myself"Wow,great"d husband said"I want a million dollars a year for d rest of my life & d wife said I want a house in every country"Consider it done!"d genie replied&wat's ur wish genie?d husband asked I haven't had sex 4 long.My wish is to sleep with ur wife"d husband said"Well,we did get a lot of money & all those houses honey.I guess I don't care"d genie took d wife upstairs & ravished her for two hours.Afterwards,d genie rolled over& said"How old is ur husband anyway?35 she replied&he stil believes in genies...dat's amazing!

Music ........

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Movies.....

If you haven't Watched "24" your Missing out!!!!!
Its an action packed seasonal film check it out!! Or go to www.tv.com for more

Jokes.....

A pastor refused 2 roger so police men so did discussion followed Police: leave that pastor thing...,if u re a pastor,den u must hav a Bible bring it,D Pastor did as was commanded after which d officer said"Pls read Matthew 5:25-26 D incredulous Pastor opened 2 d recommended passage&read:"Settle matters quickly wit ur adversary who is taking u 2 court.Do it while u re stil wit him on d way,or he may hand u over to a judge&d judge may hand u over to d officer&u may be thrown into prison,I tel u d truth;u wil not get out until u hav paid d last penny.D man of God quietly made an offering of just N100 2 his newly found preacher End of service go in peace & argue no more said d OC.

An 8-year-old girl asks her father, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father is somewhat surprised that she would ask such a question. But, he reckons if she's old enough to ask the question, then surely she's old enough for a straight answer. So, the father reluctantly tells his 8 years old daughter what he feels she should know about sex After a brief explanation, the little girl appears wide-eyed in disbelief. "By the way, dear, why do you ask?" the father asks. The little girl replies, "Mommy told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs.

Jokes....

An engineer dies & goes 2 hell. Pretty soon,d engineer starts designing building improvements.After a while,dey've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators,1 day God calls Satan up on d telephone and says with a sneer"So, how's it going down der in hell?"Satan replies"Hey things re going gr8t. We've got air conditioning & flush toilets & escalators,& there's no telling wat dis engineer is going to come up with next."God replies" What? u've got an engineer? That's a mistake-he should never hav gotten down der send him up here." Satan says,"No way.I like having an engineer on d staff,& I'm keeping him."God says,"Send him back up here or I'll sue you."Satan laughs aloud & answers,"Yeah, right.& just where are u going 2 get a lawyer?" (meaning all lawyers go 2 Hell Fire) Jokes............Jokes...........Jokes.........

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 year old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now... cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train cause we're going down the tracks" The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now, I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train...but I want you to use nice language." Jokes.............Jokes..............Jokes............ Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say..."All passengers please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She heard her little darling continue..." for those of you just boarding, remember there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.

With No warning nd clear out of d blue a man said 2 his wife,honey i invited a friend for dinner tonight.His wife replied wat ? re u crazy D house is a mess,i didnt hay time 2 go shopping,all D dishes re dirty nd i dont fell like cooking a fancy meal tonight d husband said i know all dat. den y in d world did u invite ur friend for dinner tonight ? asked D wife, D husband Replied Because D Poor Fool Is Thinking About Getting Married

In a trial, an attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair.

Jokes.....Jokes.....Jokes

Dear, Technical Support:

Six months ago, I upgraded from

Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0.

Gradually, I noticed that wife 1.0

installed itself into all other

programs and now monitors all

other system activity. My favourite

applications such as Football 4.0,

Drinking with friends 6.5, andStaying Out Late 4.0 can no longer

run. The system crashes

whenever those programs are

selected. I can't run Wife 1.......0 in

the background. I'm

contemplating going back to

Girlfriend 7.0, but I can’t uninstall

Wife 1.0. Please help me.

Thanks.

A desperate user.

REPLY:

Dear desperate User:

This is a problem that men

complain about.

Many men upgrade from

Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking

that it is just a Utilities and

Entertainment program. Wife 1.0

is not a program; it is an

OPERATING SYSTEM and it is

designed by the designer to run

EVERYTHING!!! It is also almost

impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and

to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is

terribly difficult to uninstall, or

delete the program files from the

system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend

7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed

not to allow this. I suggest

installing the background

application "Yes Dear" to alleviate

software augmentation.

Again, try running the command

C:\APOLOGIZE every time there is a

problem because ultimately you

will have to give the APOLOGIZE

command before the system will

return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it

tends to be very high

maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with

several support programs, such as

Clean and Sweep 2.0 and Cook It

2.5. However, be very careful how

you use these programs.

Improper use will cause the

system to launch the programs

Hiss 7.5 and Nag 8.5. Once this

happens, the only way to improve

the performance of Wife 1.0 is to

purchase support software. I

recommend Jewelry 4.0, Lace 5.0

and Car 2.0, if you can afford it.

Don’t try Sharwama 4.0 and

Recharge card 3.5; they only work

with Girlfriend 7.0. DO NOT, under

any circumstances, install

Secretary With Short Skirt 6.0. This

application is not supported by

Wife 1.0 and will cause

irreversible damage to the

operating system.

Caution: if you are not using

either Wife 1.0 or Wife4life beta

version, you are advised to buy

and install the Condom Firewall.

Celibacy XP has an internal

antivirus against internet

viruses.Note that there's a new

virus called the HIV vir...us, this

virus makes BodyDefense

networks vulnerable, and it

attacks users that surf unsafe

sites, especialy when their

browsing plug-ins allow active-X

Jokes......Jokes.......Jokes

A Woman was playing Golf one day when she hit the ball into the Bush nearby. She went into the bush to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis to whom women will flock." The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack." Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them. Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good. Male readers, continue reading.... The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife Moral of the story: Women think they're so smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show. PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!